End Racism – Speak Out

This is my sixth attempt to put my thoughts into words, and use the platform available to me. Because I, as a white woman and small cog in the racist machinery that is America, need to speak out. I need to do my part to end racism. To help disassemble that old and deadly machine with its history of grinding Black Americans into dust. I want to be part of the nation-wide crew that builds a new machine which fosters equality, inclusion, health, education, safety and security, prosperity and respect, for all Americans.

End Racism  – Own Up to Past Racist Behavior

Before we can end racism we must confess our part in constructing it. To do otherwise is to imply that we have nothing to feel guilty about. And if you are honest . . . I mean BRUTALLY honest . . . when you look into your heart you will see the acts of omission and commission that, sadly, you, like me, have performed. Maybe in ignorance, maybe because it’s what you’ve been taught. Maybe out of malice and hatred. Whatever the cause of your racism, I can’t ask you to look into your heart and own up to it if I’m unwilling to do the same. So here’s what I know I have done, much to my regret and shame.

Learning and Using the “N” Word

The first time I heard the “N” word I was about five years old. The girl who lived across the alley from me said it as we were playing. I have no memory of what she said, to whom she said it, or why. Here’s what I do remember. My mom called me home for lunch. When I walked into the kitchen she was standing at the sink, washing her hands.  I said something . . . again I don’t recall what, but I incorporated the “N” word into whatever it was.

I will never forget her response.

She whirled around toward me, her hands dripping wet, grabbed both my upper arms very tightly, put her face down to mine – she was less than 10 inches from me – and said with a fierceness I don’t recall hearing ever again, “If I ever hear you use that word again, I will wear you out.”

I didn’t even know what the “N” word meant. But is so typical of a kid, I’d repeated it because I’d heard it. I did, however, know exactly what my mom meant when she said she’d “wear me out.” It meant she was going to blister my butt so that I wouldn’t be able to sit down for several hours. And she meant every word of it.

Wearing Blackface

My next two racist incidents occurred two years apart, one when I was a junior in high school, the second when I was a freshman in college. Every spring my high school music teacher wrote and directed a spring musical for the choir which was composed of students from all four classes, freshmen to seniors. The spring 1967 production was titled “Mississippi River Boat” and all the performers, between 70 and 80 high school kids, were required to wear black face and dress as slaves by the instructor. I don’t remember whether he used that word – “slave” – but we got the idea and we did as we were told.

The second occurrence was in December, 1968, my freshman year in college. I attended a small two-year college, which produced Lillian Hellman’s play, “The Little Foxes”, a play written in 1939. A synopsis of the play is below.

Set in Alabama in 1900, the play tells the saga of the Hubbard family, who have lied, cheated, beaten, and killed their way to the top for generations. With the rise of industrialization, they want to keep [it] that way—they’ve drawn up plans for a new cotton mill. Regina Hubbard, married to the sickly Horace Giddens, wants her piece of the profits, but as a woman, she is left out—until she improvises her own stunningly manipulative plan . . .  https://www.historymattersbacktothefuture.com/plays/view/The-Little-Foxes/ (accessed 6/16/2020)

Everyone in the play is white except for the Black butler, Cal, and the Black maid, Addie who “has a keen sense of justice. . . . Her comments serve as a moral compass for the audience.” https://www.enotes.com/topics/little-foxes/characters (accessed 6/16/2020) I played Addie.

I didn’t think about either of these incidents until February of 2019 when news stories appeared about Virginia Governor Ralph Northam wearing blackface in a 1984 photo from his medical school yearbook. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/02/us/politicians-blackface.htm (accessed 6/16/2020) As the story broke I remembered my own experiences and talked about them with my husband. Maybe my daughter also, I don’t remember.

An Anonymous Email

You can imagine my shock when, about a month later, I got an anonymous email. I’ve reproduced it below.

Do you still not feel ashamed yet about doing blackface comedy at Cloud County Community College? Are you writing about it in your blog?

The email frightened me. The anonymity of the sender, coupled with his/her obvious personal knowledge about me was extremely unsettling. But I thought the email deserved an answer which is reproduced below.

I’m guessing that you aren’t a drama student and have never seen the play “The Little Foxes” by Lillian Hellman. If you were better informed you would know that “The Little Foxes” is a 1939 drama about a southern family who tear themselves apart because of their greed, hatred, and envy of each other.

The basis of your question, however, is an appropriate one and one that I have thought about in light of current issues including the news stories of judges and others who wore blackface as part of fraternity “humor”. Please note that I enclosed the word humor in quotes as I find nothing humorous about Caucasians in black face.

If I remember correctly, CCCC staged the play in the spring of 1969. Is that correct? No African American women were students at CCCC at that time. I believe four or five young African American men from the east coast were students then but none of them tried out for the role of Cal, the family butler. Mrs. Doyen, the drama teacher, did not think to change the roles of the two family servants from African American to Caucasian. And as a 18 year old student, it surely didn’t occur to me.

At that time I was unaware of the history of “black face” and how it demeaned African Americans. In my opinion African Americans of the past who wore white face also demeaned themselves because wearing whiteface implied or conveyed the message that being white was preferable to being black. And that, unfortunately, is a message that is still conveyed, albeit with more subtlety today although the message is conveyed differently. Today the message is that African Americans with dark skin are not preferred while their brothers and sisters with lighter skin are okay. That’s a terrible message to be sending.

To answer your question directly, I don’t feel shame so much as I feel sorrow and regret. Sorrow that I didn’t know the history back then so I could have made a different, more informed decision. And regret that I did portray an African American woman as I wore blackface and wish now that I had known better and had not done that.

Now, I have a question for you. Since you have obviously found my blog and know that it focuses on American wars. You know my name, and my face. But you have decided to hide behind anonymity by only providing your email address. You’ve asked an important question – a question which is timely to ask. So, why are you hiding behind anonymity?

End Racism – Be Brutally Honest

So I have a history of racist actions, actions that I find shameful.

They (whoever “they” are) say that confession is good for the soul. I don’t know if that’s true but here’s what I do know — we won’t end racism in America until White Americans take honest inventories of their own thoughts, words, and deeds, and admit them to themselves and to others. Since we don’t currently have a vaccine to end racism, our only weapons are brutal self-honesty and the light of truth.
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Note about Cindy Entriken’s World: As you know if you’re a regular reader of this blog, until now I’ve focused on America’s wars and war history. For example, go to https://cindyentriken.com/2014/11/veterans-day-2014-2/ if you want to read a letter written by my great, great, great, great grandfather who fought and died in the Civil War. Or you can go to https://cindyentriken.com/2014/12/pearl-harbor-december-7-1941/  to read the first of a four part series about Pearl Harbor, how my family learned of the bombing, and about men from Lincoln, Kansas, who were at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941.

But now I’ve decided that I want to incorporate new topics to reflect some of the pressing issues facing us today. And nothing is more pressing than the video of the murder of George Floyd posted on social media and the international outcry for justice. I hope you will take the time to read and consider these new blog posts, and then share your comments and thoughts.

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Photo “End Racism” was taken by Benjamin Finley and posted on https://unsplash.com/  (accessed 6/16/2020)